Either/Or — Kierkegaard on the One Choice That Defines You
Imagine you're standing in a queue at the supermarket. You could grab a chocolate bar — instant pleasure, zero consequences (well, almost). Or you could put it back and stick to your diet plan. Søren Kierkegaard, the 19th-century Danish philosopher with arguably the best name in philosophy, would say that this moment is actually cosmically significant. No pressure.
Who Was Kierkegaard, Anyway?
Søren Aabye Kierkegaard (1813–1855) was a Danish philosopher, theologian, and writer who is widely regarded as the father of existentialism — even though he would probably have hated being labelled anything. He wrote prolifically, often under pseudonyms, exploring what it means to be an individual human being making choices in an absurd world.
His most famous work, Either/Or (1843), lays out a tension that will feel painfully familiar: the pull between living for pleasure and living with purpose.
The Two Spheres: Aesthetic vs. Ethical
Kierkegaard describes human existence through what he calls stages (or spheres) of life. The first two — and the ones most of us wrestle with — are:
"Either you live in the moment, chasing beauty and immediate satisfaction — the Aesthetic stage.
Or you commit to something beyond yourself, to duty and continuity — the Ethical stage."
The Aesthete — think of him as a Romantic-era influencer — organises his entire life around interesting experiences. He avoids boredom at all costs, rotating through pleasures, relationships, and stimulations. He is witty, sensitive, and perpetually dissatisfied. Sound familiar?
The Ethical person, on the other hand, chooses commitment. Marriage, career, principles. He defines himself not by what excites him, but by what he has chosen to be. He is stable, purposeful, and arguably less fun at parties.
The Real Kicker: You Can't Not Choose
Here is where Kierkegaard drops the philosophical equivalent of a plot twist. The Aesthete thinks he's avoiding commitment by refusing to choose. But Kierkegaard argues that even the refusal to choose is a choice — and a bad one at that, because you end up shaped by accidents and external forces rather than by yourself.
"The most common form of despair is not being who you are."
— Søren Kierkegaard, The Sickness Unto Death
In Kierkegaard's view, genuine selfhood only emerges through a decisive, passionate commitment. The moment you truly choose — accepting the full weight of that choice — you begin to exist authentically. Before that, you're just floating.
But Wait, There's a Third Stage
Kierkegaard being Kierkegaard doesn't stop at two. Beyond the Ethical stage lies the Religious stage — a leap of faith that transcends rational ethics entirely (see: Fear and Trembling, where he unpacks Abraham's willingness to sacrifice Isaac). For Kierkegaard, the highest form of existence involves a deeply personal, irrational commitment to God that no ethical system can justify.
Whether or not you follow him into theology, the structure is striking: there is always a higher mode of existence available, always a deeper choice to be made.
What Does This Mean for You?
Kierkegaard's philosophy isn't just abstract. It asks us to look at our own patterns honestly. Are you living aesthetically — optimising for comfort, novelty, and the avoidance of boredom? Or have you made a genuine, self-defining commitment to some project, relationship, or value?
The choice isn't between pleasure and misery. It's between being someone — through conscious commitment — and drifting through life as a passenger.
Put down the chocolate bar. Or don't. But at least do it consciously.
Further Reading
- Either/Or (1843) — Søren Kierkegaard
- Fear and Trembling (1843) — Søren Kierkegaard
- The Sickness Unto Death (1849) — Søren Kierkegaard
- Kierkegaard: A Very Short Introduction — Patrick Gardiner (Oxford University Press)